Shanti client, poet and performance artist Wayne Corbitt hangs out with his volunteer Joy Bandy. circa 1993.
Wayne first came to Shanti as a volunteer. During his training in the newly combined Practical and Emotional support trainings, renamed client direct services program, Wayne met Joy. During his time as a volunteer, Wayne’s partner died of AIDS and he soon needed a Shanti volunteer of his own. Joy was paired with Wayne and they became close and Wayne described her as “a real homey.”
Corbitt’s poem, “Sometimes my feet go numb,” was featured in Charles Garfield’s book of profiles of AIDS caregivers and inspired its title, Sometimes My Heart Goes Numb. Wayne would also perform this poem in a video as part of the miniseries Positive: Life with HIV.
-
“Sometimes my feet go numb”
Sometimes my feet go numb
I sleep a lot
Most of my old fag buddies are dead
My doctor treated my lover too
I feel guilty about being alive.
Sometimes my feet go numb
In people of color the is ashy dry
Coffee and tea don’t go well with my medication
I remember sexual freedom.
Sometimes my feet go numb
It takes one to two days to get a prescription filled
at San Francisco General.
I heard two guys making a speed deal at the Food bank once
My thumb nails are blue from AZT
Bruises that don’t heal quickly worry me.
Sometimes my feet go numb
My sweat smells medicinal, my urine stinks
Television commercials make me cry
The news makes me angry
I’m tired all the time.
Sometimes my feet go numb
I take an anti-depressant and other drugs
to scare my voices away
I hate pity
The very idea of wearing diapers is humiliating
I wonder if the acupuncture is doing any good.
Sometimes my feet go numb
And I don’t notice until I try to walk
Then I stumble
Swear
Shake them awake
and move on.
-Wayne Corbitt,
